


Jack Attack

by Lil_Lizard_Leah



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: (This is satire in case you haven't caught on yet), I wrote for a very good friend, It is very good and not at all bad, M/M, Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!, a very good fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:42:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Lizard_Leah/pseuds/Lil_Lizard_Leah
Summary: Jack lieks Eddie and it gets sexy uwu





	Jack Attack

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MilkyBabyBunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilkyBabyBunny/gifts).



> July marks a whole year since I first met Jack (SevlinRipley), whom is now one of my best friends, my closest compadres, and one of my soulmates, I truly believe. He doesn't know I'm doing this, and isn't even a fan of self-inserts... but of course I had to work my magic in celebration of our anniversary. Here's to you, jackaboo. <3 
> 
> (and yes, I do realize the irony in the fact that the actor who portrayed Eddie in 2017 is also named Jack)

Jack and Eddie had class togeter. They were in love but couldn't tell each another. One day Jack walked in on Eddie choking his pickle and said:  
  
"Oh my god are you chocking your pickle?!" he said.  
  
"Yes." Eddie answered, maintaining direct eye contract and rubbing furiously. So furiously Jack worried he might rip the skin entirely off. Oh no!  
  
"I also have a dickle." Jack stated.  
  
Eddie screamed as he cummed. Some of it spurted in his eye. He wouldn't find out until he's 75 years old, but that exact moment was a direct contributor to his deteriorated vision as an elder. RIP in peace.  
  
"Wow that's a lot of cummies." Jack snorted eagerly as he pogoed across the room.  
  
"Yes." Eddie agreed.  
  
"Can I taste it?" Jack asked, throwing his pogo to the side.  
  
Eddie did not answer. He starred into Jack's eyes until he could telepathically project his answer.  
  
Jack understood. Their minds were connected. They were one.  
  
"Thank you for this sustenance." Jack said, paying his respects before licking the drying cum off Eddie's eyelid. It tasted like cum. It was not very good. Jack moaned in ex Stacy.  
  
"I want to blow you." Jack stated confidently, twirling Eddie's hair around his finger until it knotted so badly Jack's finger was stuck.  
  
"Okay." Eddie conceded, grabbing the scissors and cutting Jack free. Eddie now had a bald patch. Jack though it was sexy.  
  
"You look like Friar Tuck." Jack purred.  
  
"Normal version or Disney's Robin Hood version!?" Eddie asked hysterically.  
  
"Disney, of course. What do I look like, Bobo the fool?" Jack argued.  
  
"I also find animated badgers very attractive." Eddie agreed, now clamed.  
  
"Obviously, who doesn't?" Jack said, annoyance in his tone. "Now are you gonna let me slither into your guts like one, or are we gonna keep yammering?"  
  
"I did not know badgers slithered." Eddie thought aloud, as Jack undressed him. Eddie was wearing the bottom half of a horse costume accompanied by and neon yellow peasant top. Jack noted how much he liked Eddie's unique style.  
  
"I like you're unique style." Jack noted.  
  
Once Eddie was rid of all of his clothes, he stuck his arms out to his sides and walked towards his bed in a zigzagging pattern, making airplane noises the whole way.  
  
Jack was so hard it was painful. His girthy cock was quacking at the sight of Eddie's naked body imitating a flying vehicle.  
  
Eddie looked over his shoulder, turning his head 180 degrees to look at Jack. He spoke in tongues as he called Jack over to him.   
  
As Jack crossed the room he took off his own clothes. It took him a while because he was wearing four pairs of socks, but eventually he ended up in a matching birthday suit to Eddie’s. Though, they were bastardizing the saying, as it was neither of their birthdays. Satan took note of their sins.  
  
"I want your peepee in meme." Eddie declared seductively.  
  
"Is that supposed to be pronounced like meme or me me?" Jack asked, confusion.  
  
"Wha- I said it out loud, you literally just heard me say it, what do you mean-"  
  
"Mmmm. Yes I agree." Jack concluded, nodding wisely.  
  
Eddie made a noise akin to one of the dragons from _How To Train Your Dragon_ , his frustration and arousal mingling to light a fire in his belly. It hurted. He wondered momentarily if he should drink the liquid from the fire extinguisher.  
  
"Can we tango now?" Jack asked impatiently, already beginning to stretch his limbs in preparation for their love making. He heard a pop and wasn’t sure if it was from his hip, or if he’d farted. Eddie didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy stretching himself open.

Eddie had two fingers hooked inside his butthole and was pulling wide. His hole seemed to open like a snake’s jaw coming unhinged. There were no teeth inside Eddie’s ass, unlike a snake’s mouth, and Jack was both thankful and disappointed.

“I am ready.” Eddie announced. He was balanced in an elaborate hip hop position, his arms holding up the rest of his body in a frozen pose. He liked his lips saucily, beckoning Jack closer.

“That is not tango, but I appreciate your dedication to the dancing metaphor.” Jack thanked him, untangling his limbs and laying Eddie down on his back.

Eddie looked up at his poster of Shakira that was taped to his ceiling, as Jack began to slide his magnum dong inside him.

“These hips really don’t lie.” Eddie whispered to himself, a single tear escaping his eye.

They didn’t need lube. The constant drool from Jack’s mouth was enough lubrication. In fact, it was too much lubrication. Eventually Eddie’s bed turned into a slip and slide, and the two of them slid to the floor.

As Jack contined to pound into Eddie’s tiny little wrinkled raisin, Eddie let his eyes wander. Under his bed he noticed something moving.

“JACK! SOMETHING IS MOVING UNDER THE BED!” Eddie yelled in bewilderement.

Jack came, his fantasies of being a monster under the bed accidentally fulfilled. As he flooded Eddie’s body with 10 ounces of sperm, he pictured himself as a small blue furry creature.

“Awoo.” Jack responded.

He pulled out of Eddie, noticing from the corner of his eye that something emerged from under the bed. It was a pussy.

“What the hell fuck?” Jack’s eyes looked.

“Oh! That’s Richie’s missing kitten!” Eddie announced excitedly, scooping up the puff and holding it to his teet in case it was hungry.

“How long has it been missing?” Jack inquizzed.

“3 years.”

Jack hiccuped. He had he hiccups. He needed a cup of water.

“I need a cup of water.”

“Will you breast feed the cat while I get you one?” Eddie asked shyly, holding the cat out towards Jack.

Jack stared at it for a moment, considering what accepting that would mean. But he knew what he wanted. It had never been clearer.

“Yes.” Jack agreed, taking the cat from Eddie’s hadns.

Eddie teared up, his penis twirling in excitement.

“Really?” He double-checked.

Jack responded by twirling his own penis.

“I can’t wait to tell my mother.” Eddie sobbed.

“It’ll be a June wedding.” Jack declared, holding the cat in the air above his head.

“I love you.” Eddie whimpered hopelessly.

“I need water.” Jack reminded him.

Eddie and Jack got married 4 weeks later. The cat was their ring bearer. Eddie’s mom wasn’t invited to the wedding because she sucks. Richie gave Jack a golden egg in reward for finding his cat. Jack swallowed it whole while making intimidating eye contact with Richie, and then from then on they were best firends.

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> hoep you liked it!!!!!!1! remember to comment, like, and subscribe, and press that bell notification to get notified every time I post. bye!


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